Week 3

I’m changing the format after this post because the days are all starting to blend together for me. This was an incredibly weird week for me. For future posts, let’s just go by days of the week, shall we? I was able to recover from my bike crash and slowly work myself back up again, even though my knees were still pretty achy. I’ve been just taking each day with good weather as well as I possibly can, because what else can I do? One of the days I was biking this past week, I was brave enough to go down a larger hill, as I have become more comfortable with braking slowly so I don’t vault off of my bike. On the way down, I heard American English being spoken by two men at the house at the end of our road. As I biked past, I noticed that their car was full of kiln parts, I turned around immediately and parked my bike. If I was gonna be brave, it was now or never to ask if they were American potters.

I did, to which one man, Jack, responded that his wife, Beth is a potter. Jack opened the door to his home, and told his wife that I was studying with Nirdosh down the road. Lo, and behold, Beth and Jack used to live in the gite where I am staying, and they’re from Brooklyn! Beth actually even is a member of the St. Croix Pottery Tour in Minnesota, where one of my professors is also an exhibiting member every year! The world of American Ceramics is very small, go figure. Most of this week I have been spending time with, and getting to know Beth and Jack, who are the kindest people you could meet. I went to the open markets with them a few times and was introduced their circle of lovely friends and neighbors. There are actually quite a few Americans living in our village of Neuilly, and several English speakers, to my elated surprise. I was even invited for lunch one day with Beth and one of our neighbors, Sakina, who is from Holland, and has one of the most beautiful homes I have ever seen.

Meeting other Americans and English speakers has helped me a lot, as the honeymoon period of living in France is ending for me. Don’t get me wrong, I love living here, I love that there is a thriving community of such kind-hearted people, but I couldn’t deny the aching in my heart. Back home, my best friend had her first child, a healthy girl! Another friend is experiencing some hard losses, and I’m here, on my own, dealing with rainy weather, pots, and a lot of doubts. There is a lot from my university days that I am coping with mentally, and trying to move past. It’s hard not to have imposter syndrome and just ask, what the hell *am I* doing here? And also hard, to wonder if everyone who tested my willingness to seek this opportunity was right about me not being ready, or that my research interests are not worth pursuing.

Firstly, I know that those last few statements are a crock of shit. I know my own worth, and I have to remind myself sometimes, like we all do, that I am here because I worked hard and made it happen. I will, however, admit to being extremely poor at explaining my project and research. The whole point of this journey is to observe and experience how it creates and shapes positive changes to my project, and that is totally okay! I’m also lucky to have the loving support of my family, especially Aashish, even though we are apart. That’s another emotional downer, is that we are both apart on our first wedding anniversary. We didn’t ask one another for much, as we knew we’d be together in Paris in a few more weeks. I love him so much, and I didn’t want him to miss out on being celebrated for how amazing a spouse he really is, so I ordered an expensive box of chocolates from our local chocolatier back home. At first I wanted to buy him a bouquet, but in all honesty, chocolate is definitely a specialty gift in our family, as we always share it and get it for one another. And me, being me, asked for printmaking gouges. Again, go figure. In the end, this isn’t easy. I haven’t lived alone since my second year of college. I am in a remote place, and trying to find my way. I’m so glad that there are so many lovely people around, and I am looking forward to getting to know them in the coming months.

On a brighter note, biking is picking up, and I am slowly conquering our outrageous hills in Neuilly, but I have to figure out how to bike back up as well as I bike down…that will take some time. The studio is going well too. I have to remember to stop being so hard on myself and know that things will come. I also have to remember that I am no longer on school deadlines, so I can just walk away when I am frustrated, and not have a panic attack over a teapot lid not fitting. I also am proud of my improvements already, and can recognize how much I am growing as a young artist already, as I was really able to run with the recent demos from Nirdosh. We went over how to throw off the hump for spouts and lids, and we covered how to assemble teapot components nicely and make fun finials.

I’ve also been able to experience the Centre Ceramique of La Borne, and see the work and how it is exhibited by the many members and visiting artists! The Center’s gallery is so full of light, and I really love the way the space has been curated. I will share some pictures from the recent exhibits. In La Borne too, now that Les Grands Feux are in full swing, is showing off all that it’s artists and history has to offer. I absolutely adore the variety of work and styles that the potters here have, and it just shows how much is possible in wood kilns. I have a busy week ahead of me, not just to make more pots, but to help Nirdosh with her events. I am feeling a lot better now, as I helped Nirdosh prep for her open studio demonstrations. I sanded and painted some pedestals today…and anyone who knows what I did at RIT for my student employment knows I was feeling right at home. Talk soon, y’all.