Week 1

*Disclaimer : All opinions of this experience are my own and not representative of the U.S. Government or The Fulbright Program.

Day 1:

So, we’ve been in Neuilly for a day, and this is a very remote area of France. It’s not bad being rural, it’s quite lovely when you consider all the potters who live in the region who need their own spaces and have built kilns on their properties. Aashish and I went to the market, which is near the bank and cycle shop, about 9 miles from where I am staying. I’m going to be buying or renting a bike tomorrow or Wednesday. Well, lucky for me, everyone in this area, potters included, only speak French. I say this as lucky, because I will really have to push myself to study and practice the language after so long. I even had an experience with one of Nirdosh’s neighbors, as he was trying to drop off a box, and I didn’t understand a word! He was kind though, he had such patience for me, and we were able to have a small conversation.

  Je m’appelle Emma. Je suis une ceramiste. Je suis vingt-trois ans, je viens des Etats Unis, dans l’etat de New York. Mon mari, Aashish vient d’Inde. My name is Emma, I am a ceramist. I am 23 years old. I am from the United States, in the state of New York. My husband Aashish, is from India.

I have to start preparing notes of translations so I can get through some things I need while staying here (bike purchase, firing, etc). Nirdosh and I spoke about purchasing clay, and I asked her what she prefers to use. We ultimately decided it would be smarter for myself, her, and the project, if I used local clay from the area. I certainly agree, as this area was known (and still is!) for its potters and clay pits. Only a few clay pits survive, but we are lucky to have a clay producer very close by. In the terms of my project, it is ideal to work with a local clay body, as it will survive in the wood kiln, and be good for utilitarian ware. Nirdosh actually told me that our commune (Neuilly-en-Sancerre), at the end of the 19th century, had 12 potters, 3 bakers, and 2 tailors. It is only a shell of what it was before, but I am gald to observe the remaining legacy. I was able to get 20 kg of black clay today, and will be purchasing another 30 kg very soon. I only got a glimpse of the workshop where the clay is produced, but I will prepare more questions for the owner, Bruno, so I can interview him later this month or in the spring when I get back from Paris. Ultimately, while this will be starting off as a challenge, I am eager to learn, I am eager to listen, and eager to participate as best I can to be a part of the ceramics community while I stay here.

Day 2:

I have no idea why it’s taking me so long to adjust to a sleep schedule out here? Is it stress, or my personal body clock just out of commission? I woke around 9:30, and got started in the studio! I threw about 10 lbs of clay, 4 cups, a teapot body, and a lid. When I tell you this black clay is amazing; I mean it! It’s very smooth, plastic, and the color is just so rich. I cannot wait to see what it looks like when it’s fired in all stages. For now I can show early stages of what the clay looks like. (See end of this post)

We went to the bank, bicycle shop, and sort of got the lay of the land around the gite. I’m not going to lie, things in France take time to develop and process. The bank took a while, and even though it was tough, the banker was kind, and patient with me and my host. Nirdosh is a superstar for translating for me. Even in the bike shop, I had to really assess my options, for waiting on a rental bike from a chain store with no real guarantees of the bike thriving in this area with so many hills, or rent from the local vendor, Sebastien. I could tell based on his conversation with Nirdosh, that he is very trustworthy and knows what he is doing when it comes to e-bikes. So many people came in to see him, and Nirdosh told me if I was having issues with the bike, I could call Sebastien and he would come out to our commune to help me repair it. He was also willing to cut me some slack on a rental, as I am on a student’s budget, and it’s off season for the Loire Valley’s biking tourists.

It was genuinely a lot to process, not just the information in another language, but all these struggles I was facing…having to wait on my bank card (and I can’t pay for anything without it!), getting the e-bike, feeling like all of the French I’d learned in high school was a failure for this experience… In all honesty, adjusting in another country is really fucking difficult. I’m not saying that to be funny either. I was extremely fortunate in India that not only is English a major part of the culture, but Aashish’s family was there for me as support and guidance even though we had language barriers too.

But what can I do? This time is for me to work hard, build my skills in clay, research…and French. And it’s hard too! I want to be able to communicate how exciting this place is! I want to say, “Wow! You’re amazing! Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me!” or hold a conversation about why the Loire Valley is so special and important to ceramics. I haven’t lived alone or been on my own in this way since my first year of college. And, I know it’s the first week. I say this because I am also evaluating my journey through these writings, and want to remember how silly I was for being nervous. We’ll see how it goes back at the bike shop tomorrow.

Day 3:

There’s only one week left of Aashish being here with me before he returns home to the Hudson Valley. Hopefully, he will return in December to help me get back to Paris and settle there too. We want to celebrate his 30th in a very special way. He’s a true godsend, and I am blessed to call him my partner. Even amidst frustration, he is my moral support and keeps reminding me to be present and stop thinking so hard that my head aches. (What are husbands for, no?) He made me breakfast and helped me regain focus to prepare some translation for our conversation with the bike vendor, Sebastien. The car ride still takes my breath away…the hills and landscape here so full of lush vineyards. Everything is almost quilted along the countryside, c’est tres, tres, belle.

The bike shop, is a great example of the kindness and patience I have been met with here, even though I feel I don’t deserve it. Once I read Sebastien my questions and my translations, he was extremely accommodating and understanding about the situation. I told him flat out how wonderful he was, and that we valued his local reputation and reasonability. I’m beyond thankful for his trust, and hope I can do something nice for him before I leave the Loire in the summer. Now, I can get around the Loire on a sweet hefty Peugeot e-bike, with 94 km in eco-mode. That will definitely help me get around and connected with some other potters and to firings. Sebastien even helped us disassemble the bike to fit in the rental car! He told me he rents to foreigners often due to the Loire’s popularity with bike tourism (very much like the Finger Lakes to my surprise). He added that there’s an Anglophone school in Sancerre, and he rents and sells bikes to students and their families all the time. It’s reassuring to know that even though this place is somewhat remote, I’m not the only English speaker who’s ventured out to live here. I’m looking forward to exploring the area later in the fall.

We stopped in the hardware store to pickup a wrench and some buckets, and even the hardware store staff were kind and helpful. I think because this is a tourist area, there’s a little more comfort around students integrating like me. The owner even apologized for not understanding my English, to which I apologized for my French! Jesus, we even understood that we didn’t understand each other and were doing our respective best. I have to go back there anyway, I need some small tools for my clay work I couldn’t bring on the plane.

With all that relief, I could take a breath and feel more confident about the next steps in my adventure. Nirdosh is away for a few days for an exhibition, so I will keep trucking away in the studio and see what I can come up with. I drew some orchids in my sketchbook, and want to see what happens. I am thinking a lot, (stop that!), about how the black clay will fire, and that many potters here barely use glaze. They rely on the wood ashes and flame patterns. I am very much used to colored glaze, but this experience is really about stepping out of my comfort zone. Living alone again, biking, making teapots. I think my love for stamps and sprigs will come in handy here, as I have little access to color. And, I deem it way more valuable to work with local clay above all else. Image and form clarity will be of great importance. Anyway, I should wind down and read. More tomorrow.

Day 6:

I know I didn’t write the past few days, but Aashish and I desperately needed a rest. I’ve been feeling weak still, and having a hard time sleeping. I’m not sick or anything, there’s just too much on my mind. Damn brain. We were able to get some more groceries and I’ve been eating rather well since we’ve been here. I’m keeping it pretty light with multiple meals in a day, eggs, sandwiches, salads, pasta. I am definitely missing the quality of spices and heat from Mumbai and our Indian store back home. I think just due to the nature of proximity and crops we grow in the U.S. and Mexico, chili pepper is more prevalent in our cuisines. I did see Tabasco and Cholula at the grocery store, so that was reassuring. I do miss Frank’s Red Hot Sauce too. Everything here is incredibly fresh, and man a bacon tomato sandwich with gouda was amazing!

Yesterday Aashish taught me how to wash my clothes in a bucket, so I don’t have to always go 7 km on bike to run laundry outside of bedding. We are lucky to have a wood stove in the gite so I can guarantee that they will dry well. We also got more clay yesterday, but I didn’t realize Bruno’s shop was only open in the A.M. I sent him a message, and he was kind enough to deliver the clay later that afternoon for us! He brought 50 kgs of black clay, and I think I am set for a while. It truly is some of the most beautiful clay I’ve ever worked with, and it’s obvious how hard Bruno works to ensure it is so. I told him when my French improves that we should talk about his work with the clay too, and he said I was welcome any time. I think what strikes me is despite language barriers here, people see and understand that I am willing to learn, and care for what they do and wanting to be part of the community, even if that means a few hiccups.

My husband asked me if that meant I respect others who don’t speak or struggle with their English more now, but I told him I didn’t see it like that. When I was younger, I took on a bad habit of correcting other’s grammar or speech, without realizing I was embarrassing them when I did so. I ended up hurting someone who I loved dearly by doing that, but I was grateful they explained to me why it was so humiliating. From that point on, I kept those things to myself and put them back to my writing instead. I really don’t care if someone’s English is bad or good, if I can understand half of what you’re saying, it’s all good. English is so complicated, I even have issue with it from time to time. Even with our family members in India who feel unsure about their English, they all speak incredibly well and with great clarity. I wish I could say the same for my Hindi, but I value that we all know how to say “I love you”, “many blessings”, “be well”, and “I miss you” in English. I don’t need more than that from any of them. If I am being met with the same patience here, I think it will be okay. I’m trying not to have many expectations, because this is all so so new to me. I still have 55 days left in the Loire, and I think when I see it that way, and that I’ve only been here about a week??? I feel a little more assured about what I am doing and the way my pace is going.

I made two teapot bodies and lids the past days, and the studio has no heater, so everything is drying rather slow. I take that as a greater asset than anything. My studio back at uni was pretty unpredictable with how things could dry too slow, too fast, or not at all depending on many factors. We’ll see if now they are ready for some trimming and additions. Nirdosh also left some paddles for me in the studio, so I will see if I can make anything oval or square.

Day 7:

Yesterday trimming pots went mostly okay, I am also a little rusty, as the last two months of my summer were dedicated to moving and all the chaos that comes with. I did, however, successfully finish a teapot today. I threw a few more bodies and lids, so we will see how that goes. I sculpted some more stamp features, and hope they’ll be of great use. I based some of my design work off a A. Blair Clemo’s process, as he works from similar source material as I do. For now, I just need to work out some kinks within the pouring vessel process. I could hear my professors in my head…*assess your alignment, pouring angles, spout must be above lid…lid must have a tight fit…etc.* I’m glad I have so much clay to work with now, as I can keep up a making cycle in case something inevitably goes awry. That’s the way of ceramics. Never perfection, always something different with each clay body, vessel, or firing process.

Yesterday we also went for a bike practice session with the Peugeot. So, here’s the thing. I never learned how to ride a bike. Growing up, I tried once or twice. The first time, I was seven and was too stubborn to let my grandmother take off my training wheels. The second time, my ex-stepmom tried to teach me at 13, and got frustrated when I was afraid to fall. I’m mostly blind in my left eye, so that distorts a great deal of my perception in the world, especially when it comes to heights and proportions. This whole Fulbright is gonna teach me so much, as I will finally learn some skills I’ve been missing out on from necessity. Anyway, Aashish and I found an empty side street and I am improving. It helps that the bike is a lot lower than the bike at home, which was too high for me and difficult to stay balanced on. I still struggle with balance, but I made some strides yesterday. I have to keep my consistency up this week for sure, as I have to ride my bike to the bank next Saturday to get my bank card, and pay the lovely Sebastien for letting me rent the bike. My father in law said it best on the phone last night, “We learn things quickest when we are in deep need.” I really would love to write a book of his sayings, they’re very reassuring.

Last night was also one of the first nights I missed my angry orange kitty, Bubbles. Even though he is a food hungry, troublesome, a pain…I miss having his company and fat butt to snuggle with. Aashish leaves in a few days, so that’s going to be hard to deal with too. I don’t know, I haven’t lived without him for 3 years, and suddenly two weeks before our first wedding anniversary, we’ll be apart for six weeks…and then six months after he leaves again. It’s a lot to wrap my head around after having his support for so long. Just another stage of independence, I guess. I know we will be okay, these hardships make us stronger.